Prisoner of My Heart

As I put another layer of texture over the window to my heart, this art piece, I call "Prisoner of My Heart," speaks to me as I ask the questions. Why did I make this? What does it mean?

Here lately, my heart has felt heavy and my mind troubled. I have felt trapped with the insane thoughts of my ego mind. If I made art expressing this, could it somehow set me free, I wondered. It didn't take me long to find an image of being trapped on *Unsplash and drop my heart sculpture's texture over it. I played with blend modes in Photoshop until I expressed the feeling of heartache and imprisonment. The night I finished, it haunted me before I laid down to sleep.

I woke the next morning at 4 am, eager to decipher the artwork's meaning. I journaled about it. I search for the words "insanity" and "prison" in A Course in Miracles on my Kindle version. After contemplation and meditation, I wrote the following interpretation of "Prisoner of My Heart":

It's an illusion of me imprisoned inside my heart, crawled up with my hurt, anger, and frustration, thinking there is no way out of this pain. My hand is pressing against the window as though it is a barrier. My mind would have me believe my freedom lies outside. But, there is a light inside the heart. Could it be that I'm not trapped at all? Maybe all I need to do is turn inward to the holy stillness of the living God I never left, and Who never left me. And open the window to let the insane thoughts out like feathers dancing in the wind, dipping and turning, slowly disappearing from sight.

T-1. I. 33.

"Miracles honor you because you are lovable. They dispel illusions about yourself and perceive the light in you. They thus atone for your errors by freeing you from your nightmares. By releasing your mind from the imprisonment of your illusions, they restore your sanity."

— A Course in Miracles by Dr. Helen Schucman

The ego would have me believe that I am protecting my illusions (past unforgiven thoughts) by safely tucking them away in my heart, making them real. I must remember to release the illusion of protecting my illusions. And never forget the sane thoughts of pure joy, peace, and limitless release.

You might think I am insane. The ego would say so.

*Unsplash photographer, Priscilla Du Pree